Robert Mugabe has been the leader of Zimbabwe in southern Africa since 1980 and is the country’s only leader since it gained independence from Britain – something that is almost rare to see anywhere else in the globe.
Famously called Africa’s oldest leader, he was born in 1924 and assumed the office of president in 1987 – more than three decades ago.
He has been often criticized over allegations of corruption and crackdown on human rights, with right groups warning against his continuous violation of human rights.
Besides being arguably the oldest serving African president, President Robert Mugabe is famous for his witty and sometime unconventionally sarcastic quotes.
As thousands of people continue to celebrate Mugabe, Buzzkenya looks at some of Robert Mugabe’s most funny and controversial quotes which he has dropped all through the years of his political life.
Robert Mugabe Quotes On Relationships And Lifestyle:
1. Dear ladies, if your boyfriend didn’t wish you a happy Mother’s Day or sing Sweet Mother for you, you should stop breastfeeding him.
2. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don’t walk around with X-rays to see inner beauty.
3. If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and are still single, you are not different from a canopy.
4. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father
5. Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a ‘girlfriend’.
6. Dear sisters, don’t be deceived by a man who texts you “I miss you” only when it’s raining, because you are not an umbrella.
7. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don’t need to call those things “your breasts”. It’s called COW BELL, OUR MILK! Repeat after me, OUR MILK!
8. It’s hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire.
9. All I hear always is, ‘No sex before marriage?’ If that was God’s plan, then you would receive your penis or vagina on your wedding day.
10. Men sucking lady’s breast is normal because the act was learnt in childhood when they were young but the act of lady’s sucking men’s d*ck is what baffles me. Where did they learn it from?
11. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw Adidas lines on your face.
12. Respect pregnant women because it’s not easy walking around with evidence that you’ve had sex.
13. Some of the girls of today can’t even jog for five minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed with you for two hours? Your level of selfishness demands a one-week crusade.
14. I stopped trusting ladies when my class three girlfriend left me for another boy all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.
15. Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a “broke” man who’s extremely good in bed.
16. Witchcraft is when a 24-year-old girl who cannot jog for five minutes expects a 40-year-old man to last for one hour in bed.
17. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the worst thing ever, because anytime you get home and see charcoal, you become emotional.
18. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your private parts that will suffer the most.
19. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.
20. If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to schoolgirls, just buy your wife a school uniform.
21. It is every man’s dream to remove a woman’s pant one day but NOT when it’s on a drying line.
22. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newlywed wife but lately, there’s nothing as such any longer because it’ll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes and for Lorry fares!”
21. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow.
22. We are living in a generation where people “in love” are free to touch each others’ private parts but cannot touch each others’ phones because they’re “private”.
23. My dear ladies, please don’t buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.
24. It’s better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she didn’t drill.
25. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum & you realise witchcraft is real
Robert Mugabe Quotes On Gay marriage:
26. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.
27. Even Satan wasn’t gay; he approached naked Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex marriage.
28. Archbishop Tutu said it is nice to be gay, yet he has a wife, he should have begun by getting himself a man for a woman… When you are a bishop and cannot interpret the Bible, you should resign and give it to those who can. We will not compromise our tradition and tolerate homosexuality. We need continuity in our race, and that comes from the woman, and no to homosexuality. John and John, no; Maria and Maria, no…I keep pigs and the male pig knows the female one.”
29. If you take men and lock them in a house for five years and tell them to come up with two children and they fail to do that, then we will chop off their heads.
Robert Mugabe Quotes About Himself:
30. I am still the Hitler of the time. This Hitler has only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people and their rights over their resources. If that is Hitler, then let me be Hitler tenfold. Ten times, that is what we stand for.” – March 2003
31. I have died many times. I have actually beaten Jesus Christ because he only died once.
32. A brave man is he who has a running stomach and still wants to flatulate.
Robert Mugabe Quotes On Alcohol Indulgence
33. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end.
34. Don’t drink at all, don’t smoke, you must exercise and eat vegetables and fruit
Robert Mugabe Quote On Gender Equality
35. It’s not possible that women can be at par with men
Robert Mugabe Quotes On colonialism and Prolonged leadership
36. “Was it not enough punishment and suffering in history that we were uprooted and made helpless slaves not only in new colonial outposts but also domestically” – Undated.
37. When one’s goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour’s soup gets suspicious.
38. South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner.
39. Mr Bush, Mr Blair and now Mr Brown’s sense of human rights precludes our people’s right to their God-given resources, which in their view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated the neocolonialists.
40. Journalist: Sir, don’t you think 89 years would be a great time to retire as a President?
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this question or is it just for African leaders?
45. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?
46. What is the problem? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors.
47. He who swallows a complete coconut has absolute trust in his anus.
48. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW BATTERY.
49. The only white man you can trust is a dead white man.
50. We don’t mind having sanctions banning us from Europe. We are not Europeans.
51. When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don’t take a goat as a friend.
52. Only God who appointed me will remove me.
53. The white man is not indigenous to Africa. Africa is for Africans. Zimbabwe is for Zimbabweans
54. We have fought for our land, we have fought for our sovereignty, small as we are we have won our independence and we are prepared to shed our blood…. So, Blair keep your England, and let me keep my Zimbabwe
55. If the choice were made, one for us to lose our sovereignty and become a member of the Commonwealth or remain with our sovereignty and lose the membership of the Commonwealth, I would say let the Commonwealth go.
On corruption in Nigeria
56. “Are we now like Nigeria where you have to reach your pocket to get anything done? You get into a plane in Nigeria and you sit there and the crew keeps dilly-dalling without taking off as they wait for you to pay them to fly the plane” – March 2014