Hilarious One Liner Jokes

101. A day without sunshine is like, night.

102. Born free, taxed to death.

103. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

104. Because those men already have boyfriends.

105. What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

106. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

107. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

108. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

109. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

110. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

111. How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F-word?

112. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

113. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

114. If at first, you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

115. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

116. You cannot taste me until you undress me – Banana

117. You cannot eat me unless you lick me – Ice-cream

118. You cannot play with me unless you blow me – Balloon

Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes

119. Your moms like a bowling ball she gets picked up fingered thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more!

120. Yo mama so stupid, she tripped over a WIRELESS network!

121. Yo mama is so ugly that even Scooby Doo couldn’t solve that mystery.

122. Yo mamas like humpty dumpty first she gets humped then she gets dumped

123. Yo mama is like a hockey player, she only showers after three periods.

124. Yo mama’s like the Pillsbury dough boy…. everybody pokes her.

125. Yo momma so fat she sued Xbox 360 for guessing her weight

126. Yo Mama so ugly, even hello kitty said goodbye.

127. Yo momma’s so fat, she’s got more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook

128. Yo mama so fat, everytime she walks she does the harlem shake

129. Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

130. Yo mama’s mouth is so big that she speaks in surround sound.

131. Yo Mama So Fat she has mass whether the Higgs Boson exists or not.

132. Yo momma is so poor she created a gmail account just so she can eat the spam

133. Yo momma is poor when I sat on a skateboard she said (get of my family van)

134. Yo mama so stupid, her teacher told her to get out a pen and paper, and she got out a hen and raped her.

135. Yo mama so nasty she looks like an ogre and smells like puss in boots

136. Yo Momma so fat, I bumped into her and said “Sorry, my mistake.” And she said “Did you just say steak?!”

137. Yo mama so ugly she had to trick or treat over the phone

138. Yo mamas so fat she needs cheat codes for Wii Fit.

139. Yo mama so fat she has two watches one for each time zone she’s in.

140. Yo Mama’s so dirty, the roaches wrote her an eviction notice.

141. Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPad and turned it into a Flat Screen TV

142. Yo momma is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices

Hilarious Clean Jokes

143. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?
A: Lettuce get together!

144. Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell

145. Q: If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?
A: Idaho… Alaska!

146. Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It’s sweeping the nation!

147. Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”

148. Q: What do you call a baby monkey?
A: A Chimp off the old block.

149. Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.

150. Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!

151. Q: What is heavy forward but not backward?
A: Ton.

152. Q: What does a nosey pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!

153. Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta

154. Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator

155. Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you’ll rise and shine!

156. Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

157. Q: What gets wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.

158. Q: Why did the belt get arrested?
A: He held up a pair of pants.

159. Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.

160. Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

161. Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds.

162. Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies?
A: An ambulance.

163. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

164. Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter?
A: An irrelephant.

165. Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep.

166. Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman?
A: Froze-T

167. Q: What did the femur say to the patella?
A: I kneed you.

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150 Cute Brother And Sister Quotes
240+ Cute Nicknames For Boyfriends And Guys In General
10 Hilarious Memes And Jokes About Snow In Kenya
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