Every chemist deserves a break at some point or the other. So it’s now time for you to remove your hand gloves, put down that beaker, take off your safety glasses, and enjoy a few of these chemistry jokes and riddles. These 70 chemistry jokes are really cheesy and may only have the power to make a chemist laugh, but don’t worry if you’re not a Chemist, at least you’ll understand their cheesiness. And maybe even learn something along the way. Here is a collection of best funny chemistry jokes you have probably never come across. If you are good at chemistry and enjoy all those chemical equations, then here we present to you another side of chemistry that is much more fun. Take a look.
Organic Chemistry Jokes – Best Chemistry Jokes
1. Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? He just couldn’t put it down.
2. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because it is its basic material.
3. What is a cation afraid of? A dogion.
4. If a bear in Yosemite and one in Alaska both fall into the water, which one dissolves faster? The one in Alaska, because it is polar.
5. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
6. Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: mole, unionized. As he so eloquently put it, “If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking.”
7. It takes alkynes to make a world. (ACS Bumper Sticker)
8. Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They’re cheaper than day rates.
9. Why do white bears dissolve in water? Because they’re polar.
10. Why does formic acid neutralize all other acids? Because it’s an ant-acid! [Formic acid is the venom in red ant stings.]
11. Why does hamburger have less energy than steak? It’s in the ground state.
12. Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”
13. Distilled waters run the deepest.
14. Every dipole has its moment.
15. Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry.
16. Got mole problems? Call Avogadro at 602-1023.
17. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated Spirits.
18. What substance has the formula HIJKLMNO? Water.
19. Why did the employer force his employees to walk between high-voltage plates before entering the work place? Because he didn’t want any unionized workers
20. A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said “Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights.” One kid popped up, “Yeah, but teacher, there were so few of them back then.”
21. (A man and a woman are sitting at a bar. One has a shirt saying ‘Polar’, the other, ‘Non-polar.’) Man: Sorry, I just don’t think the chemistry is right.
22. A mole of moles would collapse under its own weight and become a black mole.
23. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
24. What do dipoles say in passing? “Have you got a moment?”
25. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because it’s in the ground state.
26. What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium
27. The compound HArF was recently reported. Why not make it with boron? (BArF)
28. Two chemists meet for the first time at a symposium. One is American, one is British. The British chemists asks the American chemist, “So what do you do for research?” The American responds, “Oh, I work with arsoles.” The Brit responds, “Yes, sometimes my colleagues get on my nerves also.”
29. What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? “You may have graduated but I’ve got many degrees.”
30. How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.
31. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen? They bonded well from the minute they met.
32. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? Methylated spirits.
33. What do you get if you have Avogadro’s number of donkeys? Molasses (a mole of asses).
34. What do you get when you cross buckminsterfullerene, helicase, and ATP? Screwballs.
35. What is a cation afraid of? A dogion!
36. What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
37. Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.
38. What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.
39. What did one titration tell the other? Let’s meet at the endpoint.
40. Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
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Corny Chemistry Jokes – Cheesy Chemistry Jokes
41. H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4? Drinking.
42. Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down?
43. How about the chemical workers — are they unionized?
44. A mordant thought: Old color chemists never dye, they just fade away
45. A small furry mammal walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, our maximum occupancy is only 6.00 x 1023. We can’t serve a mole.”
46. Chemistry is really funny; there are even people who laugh at nitrogen(I) oxide (nitrous oxide).
47. Cole’s Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
48. It’s good to keep a positive attitude and not have an electron cloud hanging over your head.
49. Make it myself? But I’m a physical organic chemist!
50. Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. (Mike Adams)
51. Physical Chemistry is research on everything for which the negative logarithm is linear with 1/T. (D.L. Bunker)
52. How do you make a 24-molar solution? Put you artificial teeth in water.
53. How many atoms in a guacamole? Avocado’s number.
54. How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he’ll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
55. What’s the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.
56. Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? His business went insolvent.
57. How many physical chemists does it take to wash a beaker? None. That’s what organic chemists are for!
58. I was helping out in a first year undergraduate practical class when I came across a girl who was washing Potassium Bromide plates under the tap. I said to her, “I hope you are not washing those plates under the tap!” She replied, “No, I’m using distilled water.”
59. What did the Cowboy Chemist tell his horse? HIO Ag!!!!
60. If H20 is water what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .
Bad Chemistry Jokes
61. If Adam & Eve were chemists, they would’ve found angelic acid in the garden of Eden
62. Did you hear that Anion broke up with Cation? Always makes me cry.
63. If only we had learned about James Bonds in Chemistry class…
64. I really need some SEX right now. No really, I need some sodium ethyl xanthate for my chemistry project.
65. According to Wikipedia, there is a such thing as magic acid. You have to combine HSO3F and SbF5 to make it.
66. I found some DiAminoMaleoNitrile in the park yesterday. DAMN it was hard to find.
67. Yo profile pic so ugly, not even Fluorine would bond with you.
68. When cops pull you over, just do what Heisenberg does. When they ask, tell them you dont know how fast you were going, just where you were.
69. I hated learning about electrons. I got so Bohr’d
70. Chemistry Cat doesn’t have 9 lives. No, he’s radioactive. He has 18 half-lives.